she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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