I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You're so nebulous sometimes
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
