I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
