a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
