No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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