i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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