Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Someone signed my nipple.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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