Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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