You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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