Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
