i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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