TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
