ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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