Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
