oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
