Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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