His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
