i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
