It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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