It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
