So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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