Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
