these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
