i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
