i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
