Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
