i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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