cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
