Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
