TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
