You're completely useless in the revolution.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
