yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
