ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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