you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
