i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Panties = found
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
