Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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