Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
