I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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