So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
