just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
