I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
