I cannot find my penis.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
