I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
