We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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