mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My vagina just recognized that song.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
