I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
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