You smell like a Billy Joel song
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
