He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
