Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
