i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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