i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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